Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
