so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
last night I used snow as a chaser
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