I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
