I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
