I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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