i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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