i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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