She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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