Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
