Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
