A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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