I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
