My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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