In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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