Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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