Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Randomize
