so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
