i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
