I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
