He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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