Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
