how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize