just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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