It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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