he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
