Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
