If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
