I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
