...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
