i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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