So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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