what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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