There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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