sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
