I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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