its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
