Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"it" just moved
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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