I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
