I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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