Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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