the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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