I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
