I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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