Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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