It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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