I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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