It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He better not be in your backpack
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
