I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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