I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
