My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm jealous of your bromance
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
