Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize