Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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