Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
