Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize