When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My life is pants optional.
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