Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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