his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
