"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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