So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
