The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and she was petting her beer can
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
