Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
