he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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