I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
