I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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