Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
