Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
