I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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