i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
