if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
