Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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