So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
