This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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