Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
