Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
